No luck

There's no sign of the Underground here, so I'm on my own. Again.

But on the flip side, I've got a lovely few of the sun rise over the harbor. I've always liked the smell of salt water and nautical grease. I know I can't let my guard down, ever, but this place, it just makes me want to relax and forget everything. Maybe I can, maybe I can go back to being who I used to be, have a social life past a network of contacts, maybe start dating again.

I miss her so much.

Safe harbor

Literally, I'm in a harbor. I checked, well, limped around the harbor looking for anyplace to stay. Found myself at some rusty old two story place with a sign out front, dialed the owner and bam, here I am staying at the cozy price of a $100 a month.

The roof leaks, the windows aren't sealed properly, but no one knows I'm here. Yet. I guess today I'll go out and check for anything relating to the Underground. Hope they're here. I'd hate to fly blind right into a nest of them when I'm wounded like this.

On the move

I can't stay much longer even though I really should't be doing this. I'm heading a few towns over, I don't know if there's an underground station there, but I'll know what to look for. I won't be able to get any updates while I'm setting up, here's hoping nothing goes wrong with all of it.

All patched up

Sort of. At least my insides won't fall out now and I'm not running the risk of dying from an infection or blood loss. I was running a pretty high fever for a day or two, normal, or so the clinic doc told me. So now I'm confined to a narrow cot with only this laptop for company.

Had another nightmare, a nightmare about it. It was like the first time, me alone in the woods, jumping at shadows, I was convinced I stood a chance. And then I was back here, on this cot. I tried to get out of it, but I couldn't, I was pinned, except nothing was there. And then, it came. I felt it is more like it, it started with a dull ache, then grew until I felt like my skull was going to split. One moment there was empty space, and then, it was there standing at the foot of my cot, it bent towards my face, it's own face, featureless as it was, splitting open at it's mouth, strings of flesh stretching and tearing as an endless black void opened wide and got closer.

And then I woke up. It was mid afternoon, light filtering through the blinds. I know injuries like that can take a lot out of you, but I checked my watch. I'd been out for 48 hours solid. Who the hell knows.

Never go down a dark alley

Especially alone. Especially in this city. Got jumped this morning- not by one of them, but by some punk gangbangers. They roughed me up pretty good, had a rib poking through my side when they got done. The whole thing was just to score some quick cash, quick cash I didn't have. It's a rule, never bring cash outside the safe house unless you're on your way to buy something.

So I got a swift kick to my side for my trouble and my wallet dumped on my head. Bastards left me to bleed out in that alley. But I didn't, crawled my ass out of there, half a mile on my hands and knees, back to the apartment. I did what I could, but I'm hurt, hurt bad. That rib is still sticking out there and I've gone through a couple bandages trying to keep most of my blood inside me.

Come to think of it, why in the hell am I typing this? I need to call a clinic, risky, but I can't move, and I'm going to bleed out on my couch if I don't get some help soon.

Chance encounter

I ran into one of them yesterday. Blind luck. The whole night I'd had the feeling of someone following, on that hunch I turned down some random alley and hid behind one of those big garbage bins. And here comes my tail, mumbling to himself and blindly stumbling past me. I groped around in the dark for anything useful  and settled on a nice big chunk of asphalt. And that guy just kept stumbling down the alleyway, mumbling some crazy shit I couldn't make heads or tails of.

It was really simple to get close to him, even simpler to bring that chunk down on his head, and down he went without a sound. I beat his skull in just to be sure. For the fallen, my brain told me. For revenge, my heart said. Either way it felt...good.

Nightmares

I had a pretty bad one last night. It was like being trapped in one of those action movie you can't stop watching, that's all I did, watch. I was in the safe house with everyone, they were all prepared for something, armed to the teeth with blades and guns, mostly pistols, but one guy was packing something automatic. Got to give my dream logic credit for that. And that something came for them, an invisible something. One of the underground went to the floor in an impressive spray of blood, and everyone ignored them. I tried to scream, I tried to warn to them, but they all remained oblivious watching one door. One by one they went down in increasingly brutal ways, ignoring their own pain and deaths. Hell, one gal even got her jaw ripped off and her arm bent in a way it wasn't supposed to go before she sank to the floor in a puddle of blood.

And then the door blew open, and there it was. I felt that blinding pain in my skull, like my mind was trying to turn itself inside out and I woke up covered in ice cold sweat. I hate those nightmares, but it's a fact of life for me.

On my own

No one's left. Not of the underground, anyway. Me against the night. I've collected several thousand dollars from a few of the meeting locations, stashed in the usual spots. Two of three were empty, secured and fully stocked. Nothing there but me, a stack of dusty old magazines and books, some food in the fridge. Got the cash and not much else, no weapons, no keys, no maps. So I wound my way through town until I hit the final gathering point.

Big mistake.

Cops everywhere, on street corners, knocking on doors, you name it. A crowd had gathered around the last point, bright yellow caution tape keeping them back. I tried to mingle with them, get an idea of what happened. Multiple homicide turns out. Words from some of the locals was the building was used by lots of shady types, going in at odd hours and all. Consensus on the street was that it was one of those cult suicide pacts you hear about on the news every now and then. I left, didn't need to know any more details.

And now I'm bunked in some ratty old motel for the night. Not the safest place, but it'll take them a couple days to find me. I've got to think, think think think. I need a plan and a place to move. Money is no issue. Lodging might be.

Not good

I showed up at my "safe" house to find everyone already dead. It was, well, horrific is putting it lightly. The guy I was supposed to meet looks like he'd been skinned - alive, judging by all the blood splatter and deep gashes where the knife probably slipped. The rest of the underground there...messed up is all I'll say.

Now I know this wasn't that...thing. It doesn't use knifes, and it sure as hell doesn't do all of that. No, it was one of them. Some sick fuck with a sharp knife and a head full of crazy, more than the rest, at least. I've got to check in with any underground in the area, see if they can tell me what's what. I need out of this.

Change in plans

That runner never made it, so I have to assume the worst happened, there's a mole in the underground, or she was intercepted, somehow. Either way, I'm not staying, I've got to move. I'm keeping this short and not broadcasting my location, night's falling so it's the best time to move, but it's also the best time for me to get jumped, by them or just some banger looking for some quick cash. I'll post again when I'm someplace safe, might be a while.

Set backs

Looks like that runner got delayed. Hope she's alright and it's just her people getting held up, not something worse. Underground has been great at moving people around - so far. All it takes is one of them that has a better grasp on reality to slip in and bust it all wide open.

New arrivals

I've got in touch with a few people, a runner is going to stay with me for a while. I hope that one guy(?) was just a coincidence and not the sign of something larger, I'm in an apartment, not a fortress. If somebody wants in, they will get in. My best hope is to remain anonymous and not stand out. I hope she isn't followed, I just settled here last week, I can't move again. Not this soon.

I did it

I killed my first proxy today. It was all self defense, it happened so fast, I didn't know what I was doing until it was over. He(?) came roaring at me out of the dark as I was walking to my safe house, a rundown little apartment owned by a deceased runner. He(?) caught me square in the chest, full force, we both went down on the cold cement. I was flat on my back, he(?) was straddling me, arms raised up ready to strike, a knife glinting in the dim light cast by the street lamps. 

I managed to sock him(?) good in the solar plexus, sent him rolling off me. I tried to run, I really tried, but he(?) caught up, and fast. Knicked me pretty good too, I felt that little knife slide across a rib. Guess I tripped on a crack, we both went down again, felt my nose crack on the sidewalk. That knife skittered right up to my hand, I grabbed it and turned just as that proxy dove at me. I felt it sink into his(?) gut, I heard his(?) breath wheeze out as he rolled back and grabbed at his stomach. Blood was leaking between his(?) fingers, and he(?) just kinda lay there, rolling side to side and moaning every now and again. I couldn't just leave him(?) there like that. My conscience told me I was putting him(?) out of his misery by puncturing his(?) windpipe and slitting his jugular. My brain told me I was taking care of a liability, proxies are durable fuckers.

I don't know which side of me to believe.

In the dark

I've lived as a runner for a while now. Followed them, lived with them, moved where ever I could, any place that could be a safe harbor. Always hounded by those people. Cultists, I don't know. Disposable resources is more like it, I've the aftermath of that, bodies arranged in that special way, every single warning sign of It being near.  I've out lived every runner I've been with, I don't know why. There are always vague gaps of memory, followed by the death of yet another one. We're dying like animals, no hope for survival, cut down when we're near the brink.

I've only had the misfortune of running into it once, in some backwards neck of the woods last winter. Can't remember much of it, why I was there. All I've got is the lingering memory of a suit, and a driving pain, like something was burrowing through my skull. Next thing I remember, I'm running across as many state lines as possible. I do remember the date when I encountered it first, December 3rd. Next thing I knew, it was January and I was several states away. I lost an entire month of my time.

I'm tired of running.  I know I can't stop it, it's impossible. But maybe I can slow down its other means.